The Night Before the Guard
by dancer4813
Summary: The evening before the chapter "The Advance Guard" in OOTP, there's an Order meeting. Afterwards, one Remus Lupin reflects on Harry's past experiences with Dementors and wishes to go out on his own and bring Harry to Headquarters - so why doesn't he?


Remus tuned out the voice of Professor Dumbledore as he restated the information they had gone over during the meeting for the Order of the Phoenix. He, unlike others, had attended every meeting and did not need a recap of their reasons for guard duty in the Department of Mysteries or a repeated warning to be wary around the Ministry. Hell, he'd been wary of the Ministry since he'd become a werewolf a little more than thirty years previous. He'd been too young to know all of the facts back then, but he had known enough to see that 'his kind' were unwelcome in ordinary society.

He could remember the day that Albus Dumbledore himself had arrived at his family's cottage, with news that he would be able to attend Hogwarts and get a real magical education. He had treasured the words "Your condition? Why, it changes nothing my dear boy!" that had come from his newfound mentor's mouth. Albus had been the first in a long time (other than his parents of course) to see Remus as a human being, truly worthy of the title "wizard".

He had been worried about what his friends would think when they finally found out about his 'problem', but needn't have worried. James, Sirius and Peter had been understanding and had kept him as their friend despite the obvious danger he caused them.

Yes, all in all his school years had been rather prejudice-free. Not many had discovered the truth about his absences from the school, but those who did were either his friends and didn't care or, in the case of Severus, were practically threatened by the headmaster to keep silent about the issue.

After school had been a different story. His work with the Order had necessitated the revealing of his status in the Wizarding World and, unfortunately, not many of the old members had seen eye-to-eye with Albus Dumbledore and the Marauders on the topic of werewolves. Back then, prejudice had run rampant and it was only the constant support of Sirius, James and Lily (Peter had been absent too often, even then, to have been any help) to keep him from lashing out in hurt and anger at those who put him as the lowest of the low.

Every so often the wolf had reared its head: when a particularly hateful comment was stated or when someone hurt a member of his pack. He would feel the wolf coming to the surface and, though he could usually restrain it, occasionally he lashed out as the wolf, causing others to pull only farther away.

As he looked around at Sirius, the Weasleys, Minerva, Mad-eye, Kingsley and Tonks (all the others who had attended the meeting), Remus thought about how lucky he was to have so many people fighting for him this time around. He was accepted for who he was and not shunned like a pariah. He was not confronted on _every_ side by an inescapable prejudice that forced him to seek the solitude he had during the first war, giving Peter the opportunity to turn the others against him.

He was pulled back to the present when Albus mentioned bringing Harry back to Headquarters the next evening.

"So it will be Remus, Kingsley and Alastor leading the retrieval of Mr. Potter, with Nymphadora, Deadalus, Emmeline, Hestia, Sturgis and Elphias along for extra protection. Minerva and Filius will send the signal when the air seems clear. Any questions?"

There were none, and the meeting split up accordingly. Tonks and Kingsley returned to the Ministry to retain their cover, Albus to Hogwarts, Minerva and Mad-eye to their respective homes and the Weasleys to their various occupations (with Mrs. Weasley hurrying up the stairs to check for joke products and spying children). Soon only Remus and Sirius were left, sharing a comfortable silence in the basement kitchen of Number 12, Grimmauld Place.

Remus thought about their mission to retrieve Harry from his Aunt and Uncle's house. Not even two days had passed since they had first heard of the Dementor attack, and (to be honest) Remus was excited to see Harry. They had formed a rather weak, but still present relationship during the boy's third year at Hogwarts and Remus hoped to strengthen that bond. He thought back to the first time he had laid eyes on James's son since that fateful Halloween night.

_He was woken up suddenly by the screeching of the brakes on the train and the steadily rising voices of the occupants of his carriage. He had feigned sleep as the trio had entered his compartment, unsure of what to say or how to act around James's son, but his fake slumber seemed to have morphed into a real one. _

_The first thing he noticed was the darkness, even when he opened his eyes. The curse of the werewolf heightened his senses, but even his better eyes were having difficulty seeing in the pitch-blackness._

_The noise of the students in the compartment shot up to a painful level for his ears as another boy stumbled through the darkness._

_"Quiet!" he whispered harshly, shaking the sleep from his head as he lit the tip of his wand._

_The light was conjured just in time to see the door slide open, revealing a black-robed figure which breathed in deep, rasping gasps. An icy chill fell over the compartment and Remus's breath caught in his chest. _A Dementor.

_He could feel many years of self-hatred coming back to him, threatening to drown him, but forced himself to think of his friends as he had known them at Hogwarts: carefree, accepting and absolutely wonderful._

_The Patronus he conjured was formless, as he was afraid of revealing his other form to anyone, but it was strong and chased the wraith away quickly. _

_"Harry!" he heard a girl shout suddenly, and he turned to see a miniature James Potter collapsing to the floor. _

_Panic overwhelmed him, and he bent close to the young boy, very worried that he'd come off the worse for wear from the encounter with the Dark creature, that he'd failed to save another person from a terrible fate. He placed a hand over Harry's chest and was relieved to feel the steady heartbeat against his palm, showing that he'd only fainted and reassuring Remus that he would be alright after some chocolate._

_He stood back as Harry's friends crouched over Harry worriedly, and busied himself removing a large bar of chocolate he kept on hand from the pocket of his robe. He broke of pieces of the chocolate to give to each student who had been in the car and was even more relieved to see that Harry was awake, if a bit pale. Remus forced himself to turn away and not pull the dark-haired boy into a tight hug (which would certainly have brought up many awkward questions). Instead, he focused on the next most important priority: determining their distance from the castle. He went to talk to the conductor, leaving the students gaping after him, chocolate still uneaten held in their fingers._

Remus started suddenly, feeling a strong urge to take Sirius with him and pick Harry up that very moment. In the rush of confusion surrounding the Dementor attack he had forgotten the most important thing: the affect Dementors had on Harry specifically. Harry had confided to him during their Patronus lessons that he heard his mother's screams and pleadings when Dementors got too near.

Screw Dumbledore's orders, Remus felt an overpowering urge to go and rescue Harry from the dark thoughts that had to be clouding his mind. Hermione, Ron and Sirius had gotten letters earlier the day before, begging for news, but Albus had insisted they not tell him a thing. How Harry had to be struggling when he saw the last moments of his mother's life, then asked for news and reassurance, but received none.

"Remus?"

Remus turned to Sirius, realizing that he had stood up, his hand clenched over his wand.

"Remus, mate? Are you alright?"

Forcing himself to sit down, Remus nodded. He knew Sirius wanted to know the reasons for his sudden movement, but Remus couldn't bear to tell him what was going through his mind. If Remus told Sirius exactly what Harry saw when Dementors were around, he knew Sirius would jump to either comfort Harry himself (as he nearly had done on the night of the attack) or pull some other, equally crazy stunt that couldn't be risked while the Ministry was looking for "mass-murderer Sirius Black."

No matter how much he wanted to get Harry, it had to wait. Surely Harry would understand? Remus knew that Harry least of all wanted Sirius to be in a position where he could get himself thrown back in jail. No, Remus would control himself. There was no real need for him to get Harry immediately, when the Advance Guard would be able to escort him safely to headquarters only the next day.

Biting his lip, Remus forced down his inner wolf, which was rising up with protectiveness toward one of his pack. _Harry will be safe_, he thought to himself sternly. _Harry will be fine, there's no need to worry._

Ignoring the curious stares of his best friend, Remus got up to make some tea, ignoring the strange pull of guilt worming its way through his stomach.


End file.
